Not Your Normal Christmas Post

Last year, Christmas was not fun for me.  I didn't enjoy one part of the Christmas season.  I had gone off

Last Christmas

medication that, while it was supposed to help depression and anxiety, it actually made it worse.  I didn't realize that the side effects would last months afterward, so I thought I was going crazy.  I was having panic attacks.  My heart would skip beats, causing my anxiety to rise.  I had daily massive migraines that lead me to believe I had a brain tumor or had had a stroke.  I thought that if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake.  Once I was asleep I would wake from nightmares. Then I started getting dizzy spells, tightness in my chest, and shortness of breath.  And I was paranoid - thinking I had an ailment that wouldn't be found until it was too late to save my life.  The worst part - I felt that I would never be back to my normal self.  It really stunk.  I feel so horrible for B and P....I was not nice, and had constant mood swings.  And I felt so alone.

But things change.       

Things got better.  It wasn't instant.  It took a lot of prayer.  This Christmas I was able to look back on last year and see how Heavenly Father has blessed me.  While I thought things would never get back to normal, Heavenly Father was actually healing my mind and body - it was just very, very slowly.  It wasn't until July-ish that I realized that I wasn't have panic attacks or any of the other medication side effects.  I was still dizzy, which actually got worse.  In October, I realized my anxiety was causing my dizziness, and that was a somewhat easy fix.  The thing is that I didn't realize that I was getting better - or that I was better.  It wasn't until I looked back and saw that I wasn't having my issues that I was able to see that I was better.  It takes time and perspective.

So, here are my thoughts.  We mostly think about using the atonement for fixing the mistakes we make (repenting).  But we can use the atonement to take away any pain.  As I have used the atonement I have noticed other changes too.  I perceive everything differently.  Mostly, I am more grateful than normal (it's kind of sad that I'm not normally more grateful) because I can see where I was last year and compare it to this year.  I see how blessed my family and I are.  I know that I have so much more than many people on Earth.  This Christmas I was extremely grateful that Jesus Christ came to Earth, and offered to be our Savior.  I know that without Him, I would never have been able to overcome my pain.  It was through His atonement that my mind and body were healed.  The gift HE gave - the atonement - is available to all.  Not everyone will use this gift.  Sometimes we don't even realize it is available to take away pain.  But it is.  And we have the opportunity to use the atonement in order to heal pain so we can enjoy life, like our Heavenly Father wants us to do.  This Christmas, I am grateful Jesus Christ came to Earth because He gave us all the greatest gift - He is the gift!